Oh ya, I still have brain cancer…

So let’s get a out of the way since I haven’t written on here in a long time.

1. My writing skills are probably a little rusty as I’m pretty out of practice.
2. It’s been almost 3 years since my craniotomy and I’m still feeling good albeit still a little deficient in my language skills.
3. Chris Cornell passed away and I feel like I’m still in mourning.
4. Found out on Monday I need to have chemo and radiation.
5. I got a Great Dane named Zeus.
6. I really should prioritize my lists better.

That’s right I said a Great Dane named Zeus!  I wish I’ve been able to have a little more time to spend training him.  He’s just a big dummy and/or we’ve forgot how much extra work a new(ish) puppy is.

Memories are a tricky thing I guess.  I haven’t really needed to think about this whole “cancer” in such a long time.  It’s funny how everything ends up being the new normal and then all of a sudden BAM!  You find out that “oh ya!” that’s something I still need to think about.

So the result of my MRI was much the same as previously small almost little to no growth between the last scan.  Unfortunately when you compare the first couple post surgery MRIs to the last one there’s enough growth that they’d like to continue treatment.  I always knew it was something I would have to do down the road; I didn’t think it would happen so soon.  So there it is 5 weeks of radiation (Mon-Friday) and following that I think something like 6 months of Chemo.  So not only do I get to fill my body with poison I also get to irradiate my brain!

I’ve resisted the urge to Google it this time since the last time the term “Brain Necrosis” really jumped out at me.   I’ll eventually google it as that’s my nature but until then I’ll live in blissful ignorance as I try to process it.  Yesterday I barely cried at all!  I do feel a bit depressed though although I’m sure I’ll soon find humor in it again.  Good news is I should fit those 2 shirts that I saved from when Gill and I started dating (we all need a goal).

Why am I listening to listening to Chris Cornell’s album “Songbook” on the record player?  I because I figure I should get all my sad emotions out all at once so I can move on with my day.  When I woke up the day Chris Cornell died saw it on Reddit I was legitimately in shock, I wanted to think it was a mistake, I later cried in my car (I’m man enough to admit that).  Sounds like my drive home from the Cancer Clinic “Hey-yo!”.  But when I say in my list above that I’m still mourning his death I actually mean it.  Every time I hear him sing acoustically it makes me emotional.

 

So that’s what I’m doing this week…processing.  That reminds me I’m going to have to run out and get some stuff for making White Russians because we both know that’s going to come up again.

 

 

I Fell on Black Days

So we’re sitting at slightly less than 3 days until the craniotomy.

It’s all about the small distractions at this point:

Go out for dinner – check!  (slightly too many drink…don’t judge me!)

Play some videogames – check! (Who has time for that with kids?)

Apply for EI – check!  (Now I just wait for that sweet, sweet government money to start rolling in)

Get an okay from the Dr to “keep myself calm” the day before – check!

Go back to the pre admission Clinic get blood tests they forgot to give me last time – check!  (Although they’re not inspiring me with confidence by forgetting and then also leaving a message with the wrong phone number to contact them at to get it sorted out.)

Listen to some new vinyl – check!  (I completely forgot I ordered a Chris Cornell album a couple of weeks ago)

I can’t believe how much listening to albums that I already own affect me emotionally now.  When I saw Chris Cornell earlier this year in an acoustic concert he blew me away.  I have the digital version of this album but it doesn’t even come close to the analog version.  Where did we go wrong with how we take in music?  Our music has fallen on black days (to coin a phrase).